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Angel

December 2008

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Dec. 28th, 2008

Angel

(no subject)

I knew I would forget about this thing. It just goes to show that posting blogs seems pretty pointless when you have nothing to bitch about.

I was very ill for a while. So badly, in fact, that I was forced to go home where my parents could afford my doctor bills. I was home for 2 weeks without Cody. I forgot how difficult it is to be away from the one that you love with every ounce of your being. It was good to not have to do anything, though. Without a car, I was unable to hang out with friends or go anywhere, so it got very boring very quickly, however.

For Christmas, Cody came down. We got 200 dollars, Wrath of the Lich King, a camcorder/digital camera, a skillet, and a few movies. The best part, though, was watching Braelen with all of his new toys. I love that little boy so much. He is so cute. He really makes me want to have a baby (like I didn't want one bad enough).

The wedding plans are going along nicely. I just wish my bridal party kept in contact with me! I barely talk to them anymore, and it would be nice to know how the dress shopping is going along.

Finals sucked. I was too sick to complete one of the two I had to do. I still have not finished the other. More importantly, I haven't gotten my grades back yet! I am excited to be graduating, though; it doesn't even matter what my class rank is. I just want to get out of here. It seems that every four years I need to remove myself from my current surroundings or else I go insane (Southington High is a perfect example).

I need some good books to read during the day while Cody is at work. I'm used to going to school during January, but I can't afford it this year, so I am stuck with nothing to do. I can do some writing and some cleaning, but that will only last so long.

Well, this was blatantly boring. I just killed half an hour or so, though, so it wasn't a total waste of my time.

Nov. 11th, 2008

Angel

(no subject)

I am greatly looking forward to graduating. This has been a roller-coaster of a year for me. With all the troubles with friends and a lack of motivation, I find my senior year slipping away. It's already halfway through November (almost) and I can think of only one moderately entertaining event: King Richard's Faire. It was a complete and total blast for sure! Cody and I plan on attending the opening and the closing at least next year.

I feel the impact of many lost friends. Tensions are high between Cody and I, mainly because I don't get home until 8pm and he's asleep by 9:30 at the latest. My mother has decided she doesn't want to deal with me. "That's what you have a fiance for. Talk to him about it. But please, stop calling here." I don't even know if I will be going home for Christmas anymore.

I think I might be depressed. Maybe that's why my writer's block has suddenly ceased to exist. All I do is work, whether it be homework, rehearsal for acting, peer tutoring, cleaning the house, or just running around doing errands and setting up appointments for the wedding. I just want to relax with Cody once I'm done after the day, but he's asleep so early. I understand he has to wake up at 4am for work, and that he works an 8 hour shift putting fruit away. I work hard, too, and just because it's not physical work, doesn't mean I'm not just as tired as he is.

Isn't this a terrible statement. I am beginning to loathe going home because of the baby. My mom and I were supposed to have some quality girl time to go wedding dress shopping, but because she didn't want the baby to see his father, she invited Vanessa and Braelen along for the trip without even asking me. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem, but whenever Braelen is around, I am completely ignored. Normally, that isn't a problem, but I find that when I am shopping for my wedding dress, I need some support from my mother. The only person who understands how my mother is with babies is Cody. She goes absolutely nuts... she is a control freak, wants everything to happen her way, and demands that the baby be in her arms at all times. Don't get me wrong, I love this little boy. But I understand that he's not my child, that he has a mother and a father, and though they are making mistakes and don't give the kid the love and attention that he deserves, he is still their kid. What right do I have to try to control his, or their, life?

I think my nostalgic ideals for the world have my emotions caving in. I desperately want to believe that everyone has some good in them, that everyone is capable of being good people. "Well, gee, Rebecca, if that was the case, what's with the sudden spurt of infanticide?" I don't have an answer to that. I was watching the news with my father on Friday night, and on that night alone in the state of Connecticut there were three (3) baby murders and one child abduction. What kind of world do we live in that a person can mercilessly slaughter something as helpless and beautiful and innocent as an infant? How about rape, molest, or otherwise sexually torment a child? Or, an eight year old little boy can pick up a rifle and shoot his father and his father's friend for no reason. What is happening? Has everyone gone mad? Where has all the sanity gone? Certainly not into Hershey's Cookies and Cream, because they don't even make that candy bar anymore.

My father tells me that things were always like this, that people were always killing and murdering and hurting children, you just didn't hear about it because the communication link was not nearly as neatly defined as it is today. I refuse to believe such audacities have been occurring since the beginning of time. Maybe it's those nostalgic ideas again, but I refuse to believe that it happened this damn frequently. Of course, there are always those few cases that will be set against the norm, but when something so heinous becomes the social norm (e.g. the famous excuse for when a mother goes nuts and kills her children in a bathtub, or some other way: "Well, what do you expect? It's this damn culture!") and people begin accepting it as a simple fact of life, there is a huge problem with that! These people should be locked away for life. Many of them get put away for 10, 15 years, and are then out on parole. That shouldn't be happening. Murdering a child is an act of cold-blooded, horrific, evil. Why do we excuse it so often?

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."
Oscar Wilde

Nov. 4th, 2008

Angel

The First 50...

This is a list of the first 50 things that come to mind that I think describe me, my life, my likes and dislikes... anything that has to do with me, basically. It was a fun little idea. I have no idea where this will take me.

1. Cody
2. Dungeons and Dragons
3. Sunrises
4. Sunsets
5. Poetry
6. Books
7. Wendy's
8. Milkshakes
9. Medieval Ages
10. Bear Bear
11. Sandwiches
12. Cloudless Days
13. Snow
14. Hawaiian Pizza
15. Swords
16. Mario Party
17. Pocketwatch
18. Margaret Weis
19. The Book of Joby
20. Banana Nut Crunch
21. Platypi
22. Professor Tirone
23. The Little Mermaid
24. Angels
25. Kevin Harvey
26. Ron Paul
27. Hoodies
28. Flip flops
29. Wildwood, New Jersey
30. Powederpuff Football
31. Red Sox
32. Patriots
33. Mike and Ikes
34. Skillet (the band)
35. Bed Against the Wall (I can't sleep unless my bed is pressed up against a wall!)
36. Existentialism
37. Final Fantasy XI
38. Counter Strike
39. Knights
40. Autumn
41. V For Vendetta
42. Dragonlance
43. Panda Bears
44. CJ (The first dog that I had... she was my everything. She died in my arms. I can never forget her.)
45. Schleich Toys (An obsession, really)
46. Tea
47. Rose Gardens
48. Old Books (Not like, reprinted books written years ago, but the actual antiques... books, the actual bindings, used to be works of art)
49. Thor
50. Keela (My first Dungeons and Dragons character... she changed my life)

So, there ya go.... 50 things that have to do with me. I'll expand if asked to. I don't want to say random things, since they're not random, even though I did them off the top of my head. Hope you enjoy and make your own lists. There are tons more things I can think of now that I'm not writing the actual list anymore. Doesn't that figure?

Nov. 2nd, 2008

Angel

(no subject)

Why did I suddenly feel the urge to get one of these things? I've avoided it since high school, due to the high drama level these things used to create. So why now, why all of a sudden, have I made one? I feel disconnected, I suppose, from friends, and just need somewhere to talk, to let it all out, and to feel uninhibited by saying the wrong thing in the wrong person's presence.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I wonder if I will remember this thing exists tomorrow?